The Ups and Downs

This week has been a pretty busy week here at the Layton house. It has been exhausting working, going to the hospital, keeping up with housework, cooking and pumping. We dont get much sleep around here.....Alot harder than I thought it would be.

Kassidy has been stable this week, growing and looking as cute as ever! She is slowly gaining weight, she is up to 2 lbs 1 oz now. I love watching her kick her blankets off and stretch out her little chicken legs. She is such a little mover!! She got over constipation and even did a projectile poop on her nurse while she was changing her! :) little stinker!! She knows her momma and cried the other night when I told her good-bye. (you cant really hear her cry, but her face scrunches up and her mouth opens wide) It was sad!
On Wednesday Night Clint and I saw a mom pushing a double stroller, in it was twins. A boy and a girl about 6 months old. It hurt, and I cried in the elevator on my way to see my twinless twin.

Kassidy had some routine tests done yesterday. Which I was on edge all day. We got the results yesterday afternoon that her brain ultrasound showed that her once one sided bleed was now bilateral. Still grade II so not too alarming. What was alarming to them is that now Kassidy has hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) They are going to do weekly ultrasounds and measure her head circumference twice a week. Basically they just have to monitor it. If it gets worse, they would have to do surgery and put a shunt in to drain the fluid. Her soft spots are still normal too.

Her lungs showed signs of chronic respiratory disease. Which they said is completely expected. She has to be on the vent to live, but yet it causes damage. She has been up high on her oxygen too. they feel because she is getting bigger, her vent tube is too small. She has what they call an "air leak" where air escapes around the tube. They are debating if she is big enough to handle the next size tube. She had a chest x ray that is still cloudy in parts of her lungs as well. But she should be done with her antibiotics this weekend. Hopefully the infections are clearing up!!

She also had an abdominal ultrasound, where there was some concern about her bowel again. They repeated it later that night and found it was ok. She is still eating well and has had bowel movements. So hopefully that wont be of concern.

Needless to say I had a bit of a melt down at work. I am so grateful to Jami for being such a great friend to me. I couldnt ask for a greater person to work with. Thanks for being there James! :)

Clint, Sam, my parents and I went down last night so Clint could give her a fathers blessing after she had such a busy day. I am so lucky that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder and can give our children such comfort and strength. She had been up and down on her oxygen levels so much so that Clint was almost not able to touch her. But, while he was giving her her blessing she was calm and her levels were constant. In the last month, we have been able to see and feel such wonderful things from giving and receiving blessings. It has strengthened our testimonies tremendously.
Being there at the hospital is so draining, emotionally and physically. After walking out to our cars, I couldnt help but break down yet again. I just cried in my moms arms. I love her so much. I just hope my children look at me the way I look at her. My parents are wonderful examples to me. Even though I am grown and have a family of my own. It is still nice to have my mommy hug me and make me feel like things will be alright.
So we did have a bit of a rough night last night. Just like they tell us, life is like a roller coaster. I just hope and pray things start to look up soon, since Kassidy is now 28 weeks gestation and 1 month old. Holy cow! 1 month already.......
Kassidy looks so perfect, its hard to believe all that is happening in her little body. I wish so much that I could take away her pain. It is so hard to just wait. To trust, hope and pray that her medical team and the Lord are doing all they can for her. It has my stomach in knots every minute of every day. Worry and fear fill my mind and it is so hard to carry on with everyday life. Please God help my baby girl get strong, help her overcome these trials and be able to run, and play. We need her with us.....