My little angels

I have never seen a pre-mature baby, only in pictures and I was so nervous to even look at them. When we went in for the first time and saw their beautiful faces, my heart was full! They were so small, their little heads were the size of my palm. Their skin was so fragile and dark, their eyes still fused and their tiny fingers curled up fighting for their lives!! They are so precious and perfect they just needed more time to grow. The Dr told us the only thing fully developed on them was their hearing. They could still hear my voice and know how much I love them.
With so many emotions and feelings racing around me, I cant help but think, what did I do? What could I have done different. I know and understand they just wanted to come, but the feelings of guilt are flooding my heart!
After my delivery and the babies were gone. I sat in my room completely shocked at what had just happened. I had my twins, but I was alone. I cant express the lonliness and the emptiness I felt even with so many friends and family around us. I sat in my room alone Saturday night. My husband and babies were at a different hospital. I wanted so much to hold them and kiss their little toes. Smell their little heads and squish those tiny bums!
That first night, Clint was able to go down there and see them. He got to even change Kassidy's little diaper. He met their team and was very impressed with the hospital and felt confident that they were in the best hands. I found comfort in that.
Sunday was a brighter day, I was able to shower, walk, keep food/water down and the babies were very stable. The Dr's were impressed given how small they were, just how nicely they were responding to everything. Our spirits were lifted when we heard good updates. Clint was able to go again that night to visit them. This time he got to change Kameron. He also was able to give them blessings. Clint is an amazing father and amazing husband, I am truely lucky to have him!
Monday started out great! I was feeling great physically! We had so many visitors and phone calls. We feel so loved and blessed to have such amazing people in our lives! Everyone has been great!! We had just finished our romantic dinner for two when Clint got a disturbing phone call. I could tell immediately the news was not good. Tears flooded him almost immediately. Kameron's Dr called and told us he was not looking so good, that we needed to hurry down there tonight to be with him. We packed our stuff so fast and were discharged within minutes. The drive was so long but so fast! We hit green lights the whole way and as we pulled in the parking garage a car left that was in the front row and we pulled right in. The lord was surely guiding us there.