Today I woke up early and went up to the hospital. Clint and Sam left last night for a father son camp trip. So I thought I would spend some girl time with my princess before they got home today.
She had one of her primary nurses today, nurse "B". Having her primary nurses sure makes things better. They are comforting and reassuring even when some of her test results are scary. Having nurse "B" there today totally made my day. I love it when I can leave there smiling rather than in tears.
Kassidy was having some trouble on her ventilator early this morning, she did get a bigger tube by the way, her blood gas was bad. So they did some tweaking and redrew the blood a couple hours later (while I was there) It came back perfect!! Since then she has been comin down on her oxygen. She was in the 60's and while I was there she was 37, normal breathing off the vent is like 20. So she is doing wonderful.
While I was there, I changed her bum. Which was a MASSIVE poopy diaper. Up her back massive, and I loved every minute of changing that little dirty bum!
Also, I got to do something a little sneaky today! Her nurse raised up her islet top and I got to sneak her a little smooch on her forehead. LOVED IT!!! She is so soft and so precious. Looking at her is just like looking at an angel straight from heaven.
While I was staring at her, I had an overwhelming feeling of thankfulness for Kameron. He has blessed our family in so many ways. Such a perfect little spirit.
Clint and Sam had so much fun camping and fishing with the ward. Pictures of that to come, they had to use the old school disposable camera. Sam is now a die hard camper....uh oh for me, out numbered again!! Since ya know my idea of camping is staying in a hotel or KOA! :)
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Holding mommy's hand.The Ups and Downs
This week has been a pretty busy week here at the Layton house. It has been exhausting working, going to the hospital, keeping up with housework, cooking and pumping. We dont get much sleep around here.....Alot harder than I thought it would be.
Kassidy has been stable this week, growing and looking as cute as ever! She is slowly gaining weight, she is up to 2 lbs 1 oz now. I love watching her kick her blankets off and stretch out her little chicken legs. She is such a little mover!! She got over constipation and even did a projectile poop on her nurse while she was changing her! :) little stinker!! She knows her momma and cried the other night when I told her good-bye. (you cant really hear her cry, but her face scrunches up and her mouth opens wide) It was sad!
On Wednesday Night Clint and I saw a mom pushing a double stroller, in it was twins. A boy and a girl about 6 months old. It hurt, and I cried in the elevator on my way to see my twinless twin.
Kassidy had some routine tests done yesterday. Which I was on edge all day. We got the results yesterday afternoon that her brain ultrasound showed that her once one sided bleed was now bilateral. Still grade II so not too alarming. What was alarming to them is that now Kassidy has hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) They are going to do weekly ultrasounds and measure her head circumference twice a week. Basically they just have to monitor it. If it gets worse, they would have to do surgery and put a shunt in to drain the fluid. Her soft spots are still normal too.
Her lungs showed signs of chronic respiratory disease. Which they said is completely expected. She has to be on the vent to live, but yet it causes damage. She has been up high on her oxygen too. they feel because she is getting bigger, her vent tube is too small. She has what they call an "air leak" where air escapes around the tube. They are debating if she is big enough to handle the next size tube. She had a chest x ray that is still cloudy in parts of her lungs as well. But she should be done with her antibiotics this weekend. Hopefully the infections are clearing up!!
She also had an abdominal ultrasound, where there was some concern about her bowel again. They repeated it later that night and found it was ok. She is still eating well and has had bowel movements. So hopefully that wont be of concern.
Needless to say I had a bit of a melt down at work. I am so grateful to Jami for being such a great friend to me. I couldnt ask for a greater person to work with. Thanks for being there James! :)
Clint, Sam, my parents and I went down last night so Clint could give her a fathers blessing after she had such a busy day. I am so lucky that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder and can give our children such comfort and strength. She had been up and down on her oxygen levels so much so that Clint was almost not able to touch her. But, while he was giving her her blessing she was calm and her levels were constant. In the last month, we have been able to see and feel such wonderful things from giving and receiving blessings. It has strengthened our testimonies tremendously.
Being there at the hospital is so draining, emotionally and physically. After walking out to our cars, I couldnt help but break down yet again. I just cried in my moms arms. I love her so much. I just hope my children look at me the way I look at her. My parents are wonderful examples to me. Even though I am grown and have a family of my own. It is still nice to have my mommy hug me and make me feel like things will be alright.
So we did have a bit of a rough night last night. Just like they tell us, life is like a roller coaster. I just hope and pray things start to look up soon, since Kassidy is now 28 weeks gestation and 1 month old. Holy cow! 1 month already.......
Kassidy looks so perfect, its hard to believe all that is happening in her little body. I wish so much that I could take away her pain. It is so hard to just wait. To trust, hope and pray that her medical team and the Lord are doing all they can for her. It has my stomach in knots every minute of every day. Worry and fear fill my mind and it is so hard to carry on with everyday life. Please God help my baby girl get strong, help her overcome these trials and be able to run, and play. We need her with us.....
Kassidy has been stable this week, growing and looking as cute as ever! She is slowly gaining weight, she is up to 2 lbs 1 oz now. I love watching her kick her blankets off and stretch out her little chicken legs. She is such a little mover!! She got over constipation and even did a projectile poop on her nurse while she was changing her! :) little stinker!! She knows her momma and cried the other night when I told her good-bye. (you cant really hear her cry, but her face scrunches up and her mouth opens wide) It was sad!
On Wednesday Night Clint and I saw a mom pushing a double stroller, in it was twins. A boy and a girl about 6 months old. It hurt, and I cried in the elevator on my way to see my twinless twin.
Kassidy had some routine tests done yesterday. Which I was on edge all day. We got the results yesterday afternoon that her brain ultrasound showed that her once one sided bleed was now bilateral. Still grade II so not too alarming. What was alarming to them is that now Kassidy has hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain) They are going to do weekly ultrasounds and measure her head circumference twice a week. Basically they just have to monitor it. If it gets worse, they would have to do surgery and put a shunt in to drain the fluid. Her soft spots are still normal too.
Her lungs showed signs of chronic respiratory disease. Which they said is completely expected. She has to be on the vent to live, but yet it causes damage. She has been up high on her oxygen too. they feel because she is getting bigger, her vent tube is too small. She has what they call an "air leak" where air escapes around the tube. They are debating if she is big enough to handle the next size tube. She had a chest x ray that is still cloudy in parts of her lungs as well. But she should be done with her antibiotics this weekend. Hopefully the infections are clearing up!!
She also had an abdominal ultrasound, where there was some concern about her bowel again. They repeated it later that night and found it was ok. She is still eating well and has had bowel movements. So hopefully that wont be of concern.
Needless to say I had a bit of a melt down at work. I am so grateful to Jami for being such a great friend to me. I couldnt ask for a greater person to work with. Thanks for being there James! :)
Clint, Sam, my parents and I went down last night so Clint could give her a fathers blessing after she had such a busy day. I am so lucky that my husband is a worthy priesthood holder and can give our children such comfort and strength. She had been up and down on her oxygen levels so much so that Clint was almost not able to touch her. But, while he was giving her her blessing she was calm and her levels were constant. In the last month, we have been able to see and feel such wonderful things from giving and receiving blessings. It has strengthened our testimonies tremendously.
Being there at the hospital is so draining, emotionally and physically. After walking out to our cars, I couldnt help but break down yet again. I just cried in my moms arms. I love her so much. I just hope my children look at me the way I look at her. My parents are wonderful examples to me. Even though I am grown and have a family of my own. It is still nice to have my mommy hug me and make me feel like things will be alright.
So we did have a bit of a rough night last night. Just like they tell us, life is like a roller coaster. I just hope and pray things start to look up soon, since Kassidy is now 28 weeks gestation and 1 month old. Holy cow! 1 month already.......
Kassidy looks so perfect, its hard to believe all that is happening in her little body. I wish so much that I could take away her pain. It is so hard to just wait. To trust, hope and pray that her medical team and the Lord are doing all they can for her. It has my stomach in knots every minute of every day. Worry and fear fill my mind and it is so hard to carry on with everyday life. Please God help my baby girl get strong, help her overcome these trials and be able to run, and play. We need her with us.....
Monday, May 24, 2010
Back to work....
I went back to work today.....
I was a little nervous to go back, this morning I was shakin and my heart raced just like it was my first day all over again. Weird right? I totally love the people I work with and was so excited to see them. It was nice to hear how much I was missed, multiple times throughout the day. My Dr told me he was so happy to see me here everytime he saw me. Its nice to feel loved and appreciated. It also felt good to help patients again. Nice to be on the other side. To help people that didnt know anything about "our story," it felt normal.
I really enjoy what I do, even though I did spend the morning putting things back to "my way" at my desk! ;)
Working totally made the day go by faster, it was 5:00 before I knew it. Hopefully it will help the days fly by. Occupied my mind, which I loved! Hardest thing will be pumping, it was hard to break away even for just 10 minutes. Hopefully I can get into a good routine there.
Little miss Kassidy is doing well, still up and down on oxygen. Still letting the nurses know she doesnt like laying on her back. She is still eating good and gaining weight. Her big job for today was to go poop. She is a little constipated. Nice right?! We visited her yesterday and got some super cute pictures of her with her eyes open and one of her wearing this darling hat my friend made her. As soon as I figure out how to get them off my phone (which is a new phone) I will post them.....
I was a little nervous to go back, this morning I was shakin and my heart raced just like it was my first day all over again. Weird right? I totally love the people I work with and was so excited to see them. It was nice to hear how much I was missed, multiple times throughout the day. My Dr told me he was so happy to see me here everytime he saw me. Its nice to feel loved and appreciated. It also felt good to help patients again. Nice to be on the other side. To help people that didnt know anything about "our story," it felt normal.
I really enjoy what I do, even though I did spend the morning putting things back to "my way" at my desk! ;)
Working totally made the day go by faster, it was 5:00 before I knew it. Hopefully it will help the days fly by. Occupied my mind, which I loved! Hardest thing will be pumping, it was hard to break away even for just 10 minutes. Hopefully I can get into a good routine there.
Little miss Kassidy is doing well, still up and down on oxygen. Still letting the nurses know she doesnt like laying on her back. She is still eating good and gaining weight. Her big job for today was to go poop. She is a little constipated. Nice right?! We visited her yesterday and got some super cute pictures of her with her eyes open and one of her wearing this darling hat my friend made her. As soon as I figure out how to get them off my phone (which is a new phone) I will post them.....
Sunday, May 23, 2010
I'm sitting here tonight with my heart broken. I feel kinda like I roam around my house with no rhyme or reason. I move from each day longing for something that is just within reach but I cant get to it. Its a feeling of helplessness, emptiness, and sadness. I am so happy that I have my little Kassidy and that she is fighting so hard for us. That I have my Sammy that makes me laugh everyday. A husband that does everything he can just to see me smile and I still just long for my baby boy. I ache to hold him.....
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Little Ladybugs
Last weekend I put together my friends little girls first birthday party for her. It was lots of fun to do a little girls party and even more fun to spend her money!! ;) I think it turned out pretty darn cute, I did steal lots of ideas from my super talented friend Alexis. So thanks Lex.
I am pretty proud of this cake. I totally winged it. It only took me a few hours too, easiest cake I have done so far.
The cupcakes.... I made some bugs in grass and some in dirt. So cute!
Bugs on a stick
Oreo truffles
Kinda a bad picture, but it was a cute red vase with wooden ladybug picks in the grass.
The invitations. I cant take all the credit for doing these. My wonderful husband helped out tremendously!! I would have added antennas, but my friend said she liked them without.
I am pretty proud of this cake. I totally winged it. It only took me a few hours too, easiest cake I have done so far.The cupcakes.... I made some bugs in grass and some in dirt. So cute! Bugs on a stickOreo trufflesKinda a bad picture, but it was a cute red vase with wooden ladybug picks in the grass. So, I am thinking about making a business out of this fun hobby of mine. What do ya think?
Friday, May 21, 2010
Gestational week 27
Kassidy turned 27 weeks today! and is 3 weeks old tomorrow! WOW!! I cant believe how fast it has gone when everyday feels like slow motion. 27-28 weeks is said to be a turning point with micro-preemies. I am sure looking forward to it!
Yesterday, we had a bit of a panic. I called after her Dr rounds to check on her and her nurse completely FREAKED me out!! She has never had that nurse before and the way she talked to me about her put me in a panic. You know how you just dont mesh with some people's personalities? Thats how it was. Not that she really did anything to me, I just didnt like her. I think Kassidy felt the same way. Kassidy had been having a bad day, they had to switch her to her old ventilator, the one that shakes her. Her oxygen sats kept dropping to the 40's and she was on 100% oxygen and still had to have the bag! HELLO!! See FREAKED me out! Next she said her hematacrit was low and she needed a blood transfusion so she was getting that. She said "looks like it was overlooked yesterday" What!? You over looked something that huge on my baby?! I was LIVID! She just kept telling me all these horrible things and nothing to calm me back down, like the other nurses do. Then she says "You guys going to be able to come tonight right?" Like you better be here, things are looking grim is the way she made it sound.
I seriously was going to vomit! To make matters worse, I could not get a hold of Clint. He was working in the temple and had his phone on silent. I was panic stricken for 2 hours until he came home. We ran and got Sam from school and ran straight to the hospital. We didnt want Sam to go in, so we went in one at a time.
Clint went in first and got the info for himself. I went in next and talked to the charge nurse. She explained things better and I asked her about her missed transfusion. She said they waited to see if her own red blood cells would rejuvinate and that they like to hold off on transfusions when they can. Her x-ray looked better, not as much gunk, but still not great. She said for now we just have to accept the higher oxygen levels until she can get rid of her infection. Which all made sense. She then said, she is such a fighter. It is great that she is so active too! She is stable when we can just let her be.
Made me feel better.....
Today we got up early to run errands, ya know insurance stuff. BLAH!! We peeked in on Kassidy too and she was all bundled up snug as a bug! She had the same nurse from yesterday, not too crazy about that. We cant wait for her primary nurse to come back from vacation!
She was doing better today, still up a little on her oxygen, but happy. My sister got to see her with her eyes open today. Melts your heart when she looks at you! We are gonna be in trouble when she gets older.....She also is up to 11 ml on her feedings. At least she is taking her milk good. My kids sure have no problem when it comes to eating!! :) She should be just about 2 lbs now. Way to go Peanut!
Other than that, it has been a fun day. My sister and I made Clint take us to eat at Red Lobster for lunch. Woo Hoo! Then we went shopping, got ice cream and the best part......Sam went home with her!
Yesterday, we had a bit of a panic. I called after her Dr rounds to check on her and her nurse completely FREAKED me out!! She has never had that nurse before and the way she talked to me about her put me in a panic. You know how you just dont mesh with some people's personalities? Thats how it was. Not that she really did anything to me, I just didnt like her. I think Kassidy felt the same way. Kassidy had been having a bad day, they had to switch her to her old ventilator, the one that shakes her. Her oxygen sats kept dropping to the 40's and she was on 100% oxygen and still had to have the bag! HELLO!! See FREAKED me out! Next she said her hematacrit was low and she needed a blood transfusion so she was getting that. She said "looks like it was overlooked yesterday" What!? You over looked something that huge on my baby?! I was LIVID! She just kept telling me all these horrible things and nothing to calm me back down, like the other nurses do. Then she says "You guys going to be able to come tonight right?" Like you better be here, things are looking grim is the way she made it sound.
I seriously was going to vomit! To make matters worse, I could not get a hold of Clint. He was working in the temple and had his phone on silent. I was panic stricken for 2 hours until he came home. We ran and got Sam from school and ran straight to the hospital. We didnt want Sam to go in, so we went in one at a time.
Clint went in first and got the info for himself. I went in next and talked to the charge nurse. She explained things better and I asked her about her missed transfusion. She said they waited to see if her own red blood cells would rejuvinate and that they like to hold off on transfusions when they can. Her x-ray looked better, not as much gunk, but still not great. She said for now we just have to accept the higher oxygen levels until she can get rid of her infection. Which all made sense. She then said, she is such a fighter. It is great that she is so active too! She is stable when we can just let her be.
Made me feel better.....
Today we got up early to run errands, ya know insurance stuff. BLAH!! We peeked in on Kassidy too and she was all bundled up snug as a bug! She had the same nurse from yesterday, not too crazy about that. We cant wait for her primary nurse to come back from vacation!
She was doing better today, still up a little on her oxygen, but happy. My sister got to see her with her eyes open today. Melts your heart when she looks at you! We are gonna be in trouble when she gets older.....She also is up to 11 ml on her feedings. At least she is taking her milk good. My kids sure have no problem when it comes to eating!! :) She should be just about 2 lbs now. Way to go Peanut!
Other than that, it has been a fun day. My sister and I made Clint take us to eat at Red Lobster for lunch. Woo Hoo! Then we went shopping, got ice cream and the best part......Sam went home with her!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My Sammy
Yesterday Sam told me, he is ready for Kameron to be "turned backed." I told him "Im sorry he cant be turned back." Then he asked me "Dont you have powers?"
I wish Sammy, I wish.....
I wish Sammy, I wish.....
Another Milestone
First off, Kassidy weighs 1 lb 13 oz. She is up to 8 ml of milk, she likes to eat!! YAY!! She is doing really well, her Dr said to look at her you wouldnt think anything was wrong, until... you see her x-rays. She is having a hard time with her lungs. She still has a yeast inf in them and a bacteria inf. She is on antibiotics for them and Dr says long term side effects are scarring of the lungs, but on the plus side she is small enough that her body will regrow lung tissue (there is about an 8 year span for children to do this) In order to get her off the vent. her Dr said she will need a steroid inj. Side effects of that are when she is older and retested (as in develomental testing) she could score lower. But, long term use of the vent causes lower tests scores as well. Kinda a catch 22. Also, there is the chance of allergies and asthma. She already has a huge family history of those so that is not a huge shocker! But she is hangin in there. She is still known as the little diva on the block!! I wouldnt have it any other way.
Now for the good story!!
Yesterday was magical! I finally took Sam to school, its true he knows how to get me to let him stay home. Anyways, after dropping him off, I decided to head to Salt Lake to see Kassidy. I was a little nervous to drive by myself that far, since I am a bit of a freak when it comes to driving, but I did it! I got there around 9:30 and while I was there I got to change her bum and take her temp. Then her Dr came in for their rounds, which is kinda like greys anatomy, they all stand around her bed and talk about her. I love being there for that, but the information is mind numbing. I asked her Dr when she thinks I could hold her and she said "why not today?"
WHAT!!? REALLY?! She said they were waiting for her to be stable on her new ventilator and then it would be alright for us to hold her. I was just like a little kid on Christmas morning, SO EXCITED!!
The nurse and the respiratory therapist decided to retape her tube to face first. While they were taking off the tape, which was really stuck on there, Kassidy didnt like that too much. Her heart rate and oxygen sats kept dipping down and her little face was pained. I ached for her, so I snuck my hands in there and held her hands to her body and for the rest of the time she was calm. The nurse said, we should have had you do that from the beginning! Such an amazing feeling, knowing that I was able to comfort her.
While the tape was off, I did get to see her entire face, what a beautiful little girl! She is so perfect. Looking at her made me think of my Kameron. I think they look alot alike.
I miss him......
We did a skin to skin hold, so I had to get into a gown. Then I just scooped her up and snuggled her right to my chest! It was amazing!! She tolerated it so well! I was so afraid I was going to break her or hurt her, but we just snuggled right into each other. It felt perfect, magical....
I got to hold her for about 10 minutes and then her little body got too cold so I had to put her back. As I did, I got to kiss her little head too!!
I did not bring in my phone or camera, so the nurse was kind enough to take some with her camera. So pictures to come soon!!
Later that night, Clint and I went back down to have a pizza party with some of the other families there. I was hesitant at first, but so glad I went. We started off with introductions, which I kinda dread. It felt like an AA meeting, but there were 3 other parents there with babies born at 24 weeks and were real close to going home! They gave us hope! We have such a long road ahead of us, 4-6 months. Im sure once she is home, we will look back upon this time and it will be but a small moment. I think I am starting to see a glimmer of light there at the end! Holding her made me feel like we can do this!
Now for the good story!!
Yesterday was magical! I finally took Sam to school, its true he knows how to get me to let him stay home. Anyways, after dropping him off, I decided to head to Salt Lake to see Kassidy. I was a little nervous to drive by myself that far, since I am a bit of a freak when it comes to driving, but I did it! I got there around 9:30 and while I was there I got to change her bum and take her temp. Then her Dr came in for their rounds, which is kinda like greys anatomy, they all stand around her bed and talk about her. I love being there for that, but the information is mind numbing. I asked her Dr when she thinks I could hold her and she said "why not today?"
WHAT!!? REALLY?! She said they were waiting for her to be stable on her new ventilator and then it would be alright for us to hold her. I was just like a little kid on Christmas morning, SO EXCITED!!
The nurse and the respiratory therapist decided to retape her tube to face first. While they were taking off the tape, which was really stuck on there, Kassidy didnt like that too much. Her heart rate and oxygen sats kept dipping down and her little face was pained. I ached for her, so I snuck my hands in there and held her hands to her body and for the rest of the time she was calm. The nurse said, we should have had you do that from the beginning! Such an amazing feeling, knowing that I was able to comfort her.
While the tape was off, I did get to see her entire face, what a beautiful little girl! She is so perfect. Looking at her made me think of my Kameron. I think they look alot alike.
I miss him......
We did a skin to skin hold, so I had to get into a gown. Then I just scooped her up and snuggled her right to my chest! It was amazing!! She tolerated it so well! I was so afraid I was going to break her or hurt her, but we just snuggled right into each other. It felt perfect, magical....
I got to hold her for about 10 minutes and then her little body got too cold so I had to put her back. As I did, I got to kiss her little head too!!
I did not bring in my phone or camera, so the nurse was kind enough to take some with her camera. So pictures to come soon!!
Later that night, Clint and I went back down to have a pizza party with some of the other families there. I was hesitant at first, but so glad I went. We started off with introductions, which I kinda dread. It felt like an AA meeting, but there were 3 other parents there with babies born at 24 weeks and were real close to going home! They gave us hope! We have such a long road ahead of us, 4-6 months. Im sure once she is home, we will look back upon this time and it will be but a small moment. I think I am starting to see a glimmer of light there at the end! Holding her made me feel like we can do this!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tonight....
Sam and I went to Wal-mart tonight to get some groceries. I ran into an old friend and we were just makin the normal chit chat when she asked "is he your only?"
My heart hurts....
My heart hurts....
Look what I can do!!
A couple of days ago Kassidy opened her eyes for the first time and now she does it all the time! Her primary care nurse is so amazing with her and got some pictures for us. She looks like such a doll! Cant wait to kiss that little face!! She is doing really well, oxygen sats are really low now. I think she really wants that tube out! They have finally gotten her sedation routine fixed so she is more comfortable. Little firecracker!
They do have some concerns about a yeast infection they found in her lungs and another infection that they are treating with antibiotics. It is hard for them to stop these because she lives in such a humid little islet. They tried putting some probiotics back into her body to see if that will help as well. They are hopeful that they caught it early so that is does not travel to her brain. (which could cause bad developmental problems) We are praying for the best!!
Saturday they informed us that they were concerned about her bowels too. On a recent x ray they saw no gas bubbles. They said it could mean the bowel was diseased or there was a small perforation and that would require surgery!!! I about passed out.....They like to give the worse possible senarios first, which scare the crap out of me!! I think I would rather not know sometimes....So they pushed some air into her tummy and repeated the x ray. We got a phone call a couple hours after we left her and they said everything looked great! No problems. She was now full of bubbles, now she just needed to toot!! :)
She continues to amaze her Dr everyday! We are so lucky to have her strong spirit in our family. She is my living proof of miracles. I thank the Lord everyday for my beautiful family, he has blessed me tremendously!
They do have some concerns about a yeast infection they found in her lungs and another infection that they are treating with antibiotics. It is hard for them to stop these because she lives in such a humid little islet. They tried putting some probiotics back into her body to see if that will help as well. They are hopeful that they caught it early so that is does not travel to her brain. (which could cause bad developmental problems) We are praying for the best!!
Saturday they informed us that they were concerned about her bowels too. On a recent x ray they saw no gas bubbles. They said it could mean the bowel was diseased or there was a small perforation and that would require surgery!!! I about passed out.....They like to give the worse possible senarios first, which scare the crap out of me!! I think I would rather not know sometimes....So they pushed some air into her tummy and repeated the x ray. We got a phone call a couple hours after we left her and they said everything looked great! No problems. She was now full of bubbles, now she just needed to toot!! :)
She continues to amaze her Dr everyday! We are so lucky to have her strong spirit in our family. She is my living proof of miracles. I thank the Lord everyday for my beautiful family, he has blessed me tremendously!
Last night when we were saying good-bye to her she opened her eyes and arched her back. She was throwin a little fit. She wanted to come home too! Soon baby girl 2 weeks and 2 days down!!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Do Not Disturb The Princess!
Since I was having a bad day on Wed. when Clint came home we went to visit Kassidy. I hadnt seen her since Sunday because I have had a sore throat. So I missed her. She looked beautiful, she has changed so much!
While we were there she opened her eyes and looked at us. She kept responding to my voice. She missed me too! She was laying on her tummy, with her little diaper bum pushed out! So Cute! When the nurse did her cares she had to roll her to her back, when she was done she went to roll her back and Kassidy wasnt havin that. She arched her back and scooted her little bum to try and roll back over. So fiesty!
They have had to increase her sedation because she doesnt like to just relax. That she gets from momma. She still has lots of gunk in her lungs, that they have to suction out every hour. She is eating again and loves her milk!! She now weighs 1 lb 10 oz. She has pinked up a lot and her skin is not so see through anymore. Her hair has come in more. Dark too. Her lashes are long and her face is so perfectly round. Shes adorable. She also has a jar full of different color bows at her bedside. LOVE IT!! They keep her accessorized.
I asked when we would be able to hold her and they said soon. They said skin to skin contact benefits her alot, so once she gets her breathing more stablized we can come in and hold her. I cant wait!!
I have been trying to stay busy, so I keep my mind occupied. Makes the day go by faster. The bad days are rough, but the good days are great and keep me going!
While we were there she opened her eyes and looked at us. She kept responding to my voice. She missed me too! She was laying on her tummy, with her little diaper bum pushed out! So Cute! When the nurse did her cares she had to roll her to her back, when she was done she went to roll her back and Kassidy wasnt havin that. She arched her back and scooted her little bum to try and roll back over. So fiesty!
They have had to increase her sedation because she doesnt like to just relax. That she gets from momma. She still has lots of gunk in her lungs, that they have to suction out every hour. She is eating again and loves her milk!! She now weighs 1 lb 10 oz. She has pinked up a lot and her skin is not so see through anymore. Her hair has come in more. Dark too. Her lashes are long and her face is so perfectly round. Shes adorable. She also has a jar full of different color bows at her bedside. LOVE IT!! They keep her accessorized.
I asked when we would be able to hold her and they said soon. They said skin to skin contact benefits her alot, so once she gets her breathing more stablized we can come in and hold her. I cant wait!!
I have been trying to stay busy, so I keep my mind occupied. Makes the day go by faster. The bad days are rough, but the good days are great and keep me going!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
One of the bad ones
Today is one of the bad days. Kassidy is doing fine. Stable is the word they tend to favor, since things can change so quickly. She is getting a blood transfusion today to try and up her hematacrit to inturn help her breathing. Her echo results did confirm that the valve closed (Woo Hoo), but now they are concerned a small hole, that is normal, has blood flowing through it in both directions. They are watching her for pulmonary hypertension.
I just cant help but be completely freaked out today. I am having a case of the why me's. I just want things to be normal, to be easy. I wanna hold both my babies. I wanna be consoling babies crying and changing diapers and be sleep deprived. I wanna smell baby lotion and feel their soft skin. I want all 3 of my children to be snuggled up to me.
I just want this day to be over......
I just cant help but be completely freaked out today. I am having a case of the why me's. I just want things to be normal, to be easy. I wanna hold both my babies. I wanna be consoling babies crying and changing diapers and be sleep deprived. I wanna smell baby lotion and feel their soft skin. I want all 3 of my children to be snuggled up to me.
I just want this day to be over......
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Graduation
Kassidy graduated today from room one to room two!! This is a milestone in the premie world. She will be in this room for awhile, but hey one milestone down!
She has been going up and down on her oxygen sats but is doing great! Her mucus in her lungs is yellow, which is a good sign things are breaking up. Her echo this morning went well and word is there was no murmer. Have to wait for Dr confirmation on that though.
Today was a good day!
She has been going up and down on her oxygen sats but is doing great! Her mucus in her lungs is yellow, which is a good sign things are breaking up. Her echo this morning went well and word is there was no murmer. Have to wait for Dr confirmation on that though.
Today was a good day!
Random Pictures
Our precious little Kassidy. She was just 2 days old here, she has changed so much since then.
Sam and Clint built a fort in the living room one friday night back in April and slept in it. I loved having the bed to myself! Gearing up for camping.....
My mom is amazing and just whipped these booties, hat and blanket out for Kameron to be buried in. I had bought Kameron and Kassidy matching onesies that said little brother and little sister. I loved it so much, we buried him in it.
A little monkey in my parents tree on Easter.
Holding baby Kameron and saying our good-byes.
Mothers day with my babies. Best picture we could get.Pictures
One of my friends took pictures for us at Kamerons funeral. Here are a few of my favorites. She is an amazing photographer! Thank you so much Michelle!! Check out her photos.....
Kamerons little hand and feet molds. So precious and small.
We can not even believe the amount of people that came. We are so lucky to have so much love and support around us!
Dakota, he looks so grown up here. He'll always be my little Kota bug.
I love this picture. Clint and Kameron have a glow around them that just looks heavenly!
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