So most little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, right? My little girl is no exception, she is just made of a little bit more. Courage and strength and a whole lot of love. Kassidy has been doing amazing! She is such a fighter! She is now a week and a half old!!
On mothers day we went up to visit her and Sam came too! He was so excited, he told Kassidy. "Hi, I love you" so tender. Then I was able to get a picture with both my babies. We were a little sad that morning, because there was a new little baby in where Kameron was. Everytime I looked over there, I thought, it should be my baby there!!! We know he is always with us though.
Monday Clint and our home teacher were able to go down and give her a blessing. She had had a bunch of tests that day and I felt she needed one. Her brain ultrasound showed some bleeding on the left side, but they were not concerned at all about it. What? I would think bleeding on the brain was bad, freaked me out just hearing it. She also had a chest x ray and an echo. She has lots of gunk in her lungs and her little valve that is suppose to be closed after birth is still open. They gave her another dose of medication to try and close it. They said the gunk in the lungs is most likely caused by the valve being open. Again, freaked me out to hear this. They said that she is doing wonderful though, not symptomatic at all. It is comforting to hear that, but I still cant help but be nervous and on edge every single day. Seriously, how do I live the next 4 months like this? Im sure we will be a much stronger family and stronger parents by the end of this. Its just a test, we can do it! I have to tell myself that everyday!
Yesterday, I woke up feeling miserable. Sore throat, body aches and nausea. Sam woke up with a cough, green boogers and a draining ear. NICE! So Clint and his mom went down to visit her with out me. They found out that during the night, she had opened her eyes!! YAY!! such a little milestone, but it means so much!!! Her nurse is so sweet too, they made us little footprints, gave me a blanket that was wrapped around her and weighed her again. She is now up to 1 lb 9 oz. She likes her milk!! She tolerates it well, which is also a milestone. They did have to stop her feedings to give her medication for her heart valve, so she will probably lose that weight! Such a rollercoaster!
Anyways, we were able to put a family picture on her islet and bring her a little bear to put by her. I have really been impressed by the staff at the hospital! They sure make this difficult time easier! I love to hear them talk to her, they call her sis. She is 100% pure princess too! She gets fiesty and will even wiggle her little bum back into a comfortable position once they have moved her. I LOVE IT! Cant wait for her to be home and make the forces equal around here!!
Clint went back to work yesterday, boo! I kinda like having all of us home.... He gets to work on the Jordan Temple this week instead of in Logan. We feel that is a blessing, because of the wonderful spirit he felt when he worked on the Salt Lake Temple. Everything for a reason, I cant even begin to describe how this has strengthened our testimonies!
As far as how I am healing, well I think last week finally caught up to me. Sunday, while standing at her bedside. I got really hot fast, my color drained and I was sweating pretty bad. Then the tears came. I think it was a panic attack. Everything was so overwhelming all at once, even though all we were doing was watching her eat.
It has also been very hard to get my milk to come in. So discouraging. The only thing I can do for her, and it isnt working for me. I feel like a failure. We were able to find a medical grade pump and that has been a little better. I got a prescription to help as well, but i am freaked out about the side effects. Severe depression, dizziness and drowsiness. YIKES! Ill see where the new pump goes first.
All in all though, this delivery has been a much better recovery than it was with Sam. I feel that the Lord has had a hand in helping me along. Bright side, when Kassidy comes home, I will be healed and it will be much easier to take care of her. What new mom gets to say that?
We are just plugging along each day! We are strong and able because of our Savior, family and our friends! Thanks so much to everyone! We are eternally grateful!
Pictures to come soon.....
3 comments:
I am so glad to hear an update on Kassidy and that she is fighting hard to stay here. I know of another premature baby that was under 2 lbs and she is 4 now with no signs that she was premature (she is taller than most 5 year olds). I had problems with nursing after my dad had a stroke and I wasn't taking good care of myself and drinking/eating what I needed to. I heard from a lot of people that stress plays a part in milk production, and you have a lot on your plate. You are a great mom, and milk or no milk that will not change!
Danielle, you are not a failure... you are the most incredible example of faith, strength, hope, and love that I have ever met! I agree with Sharee, you need to take care of yourself (easier said than done) for your milk to come in. Talk to a lactation consultant too, they have amazing knowledge! I am so glad to hear that Kassidy is doing good! I think about you constantly! Email me hancock(.)family(@)yahoo.com if you ever need ANYTHING! Love you!
Danielle, you're doing awesome and so is Kassidy! Talk to the docs, but when I was nursing and I had milk issues I took an herbal supplement called brewers yeast. 1 pill per day and it really dd the trick! There's no side effects, except that Kassidy's poop might stink really bad! lol Give it a try. It's better than the side effects of the pills!
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