Day 39

Well, Clint and I decided to go to the hospital every other day now. It works out better emotionally, physically and financially for us. I feel bad not being there every single day, but I need to keep me healthy and sane too. I realize that.......now

Kassidy is still in isolation, at least for another week. I really actually prefer it that way, kinda nice to have a nurse one on one with her. She likes it too, because this has been a fabulous week for her! She has been staying low on her oxygen and they are talking about switching her to the conventional ventilator. Which means I could start holding her. So keep your fingers crossed!!!

Last night we visited her and she had a newer nurse. I liked her in all, very nice, but very slow and acted like she was afraid to touch Kassidy. Plus she didnt talk to her while she did her cares. That is so important to me. She also freaked me out last night. I guess Kassidy had another head ultrasound yesterday around noon, the nurse said it was because her head was bigger and she had a bulging soft spot. What?! Why were we not notified. I heard that and seriously my heart fell into my stomach. She said the results werent back either, so pretty much that meant no sleep for me. She also said the hydrocephalus could make her bleeds worse. She had also gained 3 oz since the previous night, she was 2 lbs 8 oz now. I just pictured that 3 oz being fluid pooling in her head. Really all that runs through my mind when they talk about her head, is that horrible phone call about my little Kameron. I gotta quit comparing them, but it so hard. I just cant calm my nerves about it.
I had Clint give her a fathers blessing last night (which was amazing!!) and we headed home. My stomach in knots and my heart full of sorrow and fear. I just sat staring out the window stewing about everthing. I wanted to just cry and scream and throw up all at the same time. Clint decided to call our nurse "M" to put me at ease. Which she did too, she said the ultrasound had been scheduled before they even knew her head measurements (which were only slightly larger) and she had no bulging soft spot. Hydrocephalus does not cause the bleeds to get worse, the bleeds caused the hydrocephalus. She explained it all in detail and it totally made sense to me. She also said her weight gain is mostly the fluid in her tissues from the iv fluids (which I already knew, I just had to hear it) and because the nurse most likely did not raise up her ventilator when she weighed her. The nurse just had her information wrong. One miscommunication and see what it causes?

So today we had to wait for her results. I hate the waiting game....They called Clint and said her bleeds are the same, no change, which is good. Her head is where it should be and her ventricles are also getting smaller, another good thing. So WOO HOO!!
Kassidy is getting so strong and still I am amazed by her everyday. I cant say this enough, I love you baby girl, thank you for fighting.