Our first days together

All of Kassidy's luggage.

Kassidy brought home a gift for her big brother. He was so excited!!


Clint was photographer is all Im gonna say about these next ones. So excited....A talking Mr Potato Head. Holy Cow what a cool little sister. I think he decided right then, he would keep her.And even now, he thanks her for his cool new toy!! First diaper change at home and last time wearing her little duckie jammies. Can you believe she has grown out of preemie clothes. Yes, it will probably take me 4 years to finally part with all her clothes too Clint. Sorry in advance.

Her first meal at home.Kassidy and daddy assume their position.Sammy loves holding her, we keep "asking are you done?" he says "no 5 more minutes." Love them. So glad they are together now!!

Kassidy bundled up just like we were taught and posing with her bear from nurse "M".The morning after. 2 kids takin a nap. LOVE IT!

YAY! Daddy is home. Sam just loves to hold her hand. Really it is heaven at our house. We love all the sleepless nights and dirty diapers! Kassidy loves to be snuggled and pretty much we oblige and snuggle her to pieces!! We are so happy to all be together. Nothin but pure BLISS!!

Mama I'm Coming Home!

Saturday August 14th Kassidy got to come home! Her original due date was not until the 20th, but she surprised us all and got to come home early! We got to the hospital around 10 am after they did their final rounds on her and we changed her and packed her up to go. My parents, Debbie and Dakota met us there to welcome this little girl home!

We thought the whole out processing thing would take forever, but it was so quick. We were so excited and nervous to take her home. Really, can not believe this day was finally here! Such a bitter sweet feeling. We wont miss the drive, but we sure will miss the people.

"L" askin her if she was ready to come home.Going home at 5 lbs 12 oz, on oxygen and a multivitamin. 27 calorie formula, 30-60 ml ev 3-4 hrs. Such a sweet little bundle....One last snuggle.One last snuggle with us too...Mommy and Kass.Love all the girlie stuff!!

Sound asleep and ready to go."L" sayin goodbyeSammy and his little sis. Love these 2 kiddos. Cant believe they are mine!!

Everyone walkin out. Dont ya think the lobby looks like an airport? Holy crap, 2 kids in our car

Traveled just fine, only one little scare with her oxygen dropping, but only because she was wiggling her foot. Home and in her own bed. We love you Kassidy and look forward to all the adventures yet to come!! You are such an amazing little girl and we are so glad you are a part of our family.

WELCOME HOME BABY GIRL!!! WELCOME HOME

107 Days

We made it 107 days in the NBICU! This journey has been full of its ups and downs. We have had lots of heartache and tearful nights but we also felt joy and excitement in each of Kassidys milestones. We are all survivors......

I am getting teary just writing this entry. I feel like it is the last chapter of this journey and our story changes. Change is hard even when it is for the better. We have learned so much in what seemed like an eternity but actually was but a small moment.

We have loved and lost in that hospital and have been forever changed by this experience. The people that have come into our lives there are truely heaven sent. I am so glad that our paths have crossed. You are all in our hearts forever. Thank you.

I have a testimony that I know our Heavenly Father loves us. That through our most difficult trials he has not left us alone, he is really carrying us and giving us strength through the journey. I am grateful to have a wonderful husband that holds the priesthood and can give our children blessings of strength and comfort when they need it the most. I believe miracles happen through these blessings and Kassidy is proof of that. I am so thankful to have an eternal family and that someday we will get to hold our little Kameron again and oh how we will rejoice when that day comes!!

I also know our prayers are heard and are answered, just not always in the ways we want them to be. In the quiet of the early mornings is when I ask for my strength, strength to make it through the day and before I go to bed I give thanks for letting me make it through one more day.

I love our families and friends, knowing that we have such support around us has made this whole experience possible.

We are blessed.......

Through all of this we hope to be an inspiration to those struggling with infertility, loss and people trying to survive the NBICU.

Here are a few pictures of our first and last days at the U.....

Little KameronSaying good-bye to our sweet angel. Kameron's little hand in his Mom and Dad's.

Kassidy.....Cant believe she was once that small. So hard to look back at these pictures.

Daddy lovin his princessHer little beach bum outfit.Love those bright eyes!!Clint trying to take a little nap on our "room in" day.These last pictures are of Kassidys incredible primary nurses. All the nurses there were great, these we just got to call ours!! We love them all and are grateful they helped our little girl!

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!Nurse "J". We loved how sweet and sincere she was. Any weird question I had she would search and find me an answer! And really I did have some weird questions. She gave us Kassidy's first handprints too, that were perfect!!Nurse "M.V" I wanted her as a primary nurse since Kassidys was first admitted, but she had another primary at the time, so when they left we got to snag her. She is so funny and light hearted. We loved when she worked, especially the day Kassidy had her surgery. She was good at setting us at ease and comforting us! Nurse "B" even though she was stolen from us by another family, we still loved to harrass her! She is super smart and so good with Kassidy even when she was across the hall, she always checked on her. Im glad she got to take care of Kassidy one last time before we left!!Nurse "L" Oh how I love her. Such a funny lady! I loved spending fridays there when she worked, made the day go by so fast. She was so good with Kassidy and with us. We are so glad she was there through all the ups and downs and that she could explain things without being insensitive. (well maybe couldve been a little more sensitive when I asked about her head...hahaha) Kassidy had alot of firsts with her and we were glad she was there to "teach" us our discharge class and to walk us out of the hospital. She is a little fiesty firecracker just like Kassidy.

And Nurse "M" I think she was meant to have little Kassidy for a reason. Kassidy loved her and did so good when she had her. If mommy couldnt always be there it was a good thing nurse 'M" was!! She is so thoughtful and caring. We owe all our cute signage and footprints to this lady. She also thought of Kassidy at each of her birthdays. She would send us text messages early in the morning to tell us how the night went and pictures of what she looked like that day. She was there during our difficult times, even took time out of her weekend off to return my phone call and help calm my nerves. Whenever something good happened she was one of the first we wanted to call. She is an AMAZING person!! Also, Clint is so proud he was the one who picked her!!

We love these ladies so so much and hope to always stay in touch.

The Follow-up

So 1 week after Kassidy's surgery, she was scheduled to have her first follow up. Our nerves were seriously on end in anticipation. Wednesday the 11th came and I called first thing in the morning to see when they thought the Dr would be there and left them my phone number. Since Clint was doing 12 hr nights for military exercises and he was home sleeping.
At about 12:30 I got a phone call from Clint instead. The hospital had called him. I seriously can not describe the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I am waiting for updates and news about her. Really, I think I could puke just thinking about it.

Well, Clint told me that the Dr said.......

KASSIDY COULD COME HOME!!

Holy Crap really did I just hear that come out of your mouth?? Clint told me to call the hospital and make sure he heard them right. Since he was sleeping. I immediately called them and of course our nurse is at lunch, so I said please get me someone that knows about Kassidy. I got her NNP and she said exactly what Clint heard. Baby girl could come home this weekend!! After laughing at us, she told me her eyes were perfect and because she was eating all by mouth she could come home!!
We really did not expect to hear this. We were even 1 week before her actual due date and even then we were always told to shoot for the first of Sept.
We were so not ready, not that we had a whole lot to do but it kinda felt like pre-term labor all over again. You plan on one date and then she goes and decides she wants to be earlier. What a girl!!!
We were not the only ones surprised, the nurses were all amazed themselves. Even the Dr was surprised to see 100% regression in both eyes in just 1 week!! Can you say MIRACLE?
So I left work early that day and ran to get her a car seat and a few other things like formula and stuff like that. I then went and visited her and had to actually be told in person that really it is true that she could come home. I guess I have to be told and retold for things to actually sink in. (haha)
Clint and I were so excited. Our families were way excited too!! Sam, well not so much. He told me, Kassidy lives in Salt Lake and we live here. I was so nervous that he would be jealous and inturn be mean to her. So I ran and got him a little gift to give to him from Kassidy the day she would come home. What can I say the kid is easily bribed.....
Thursday I cleaned house and got her room ready (not that she would be in her room, but it still had to be ready) My amazing sister then sceduled the carpet cleaners to come on Friday while we were "rooming in" at the hospital. She spent all of friday there mowing my lawn and cleaning. Pretty amazing huh?!
There was a small chance that Kassidy could not come home on the 14th though if she had any A's and B's (where her oxygen and heartrate drop) didnt gain weight and if she failed her carseat test. Again the anticipation each night until Saturday morning was horrible......
Friday we got to the hospital early so we could do our discharge training (yes we were slackers, but we really thought we had another month, so sorry ladies) We watched our videos and did our CPR and then we got to be alone with Kassidy. They put us into a room (so glad it was the other room and not the one where we said good-bye to Kameron) and we got to be her care-takers. It was nerve wracking and weird that we finally got to be alone with her. Poor Clint was so tired since he had just worked 12 hrs and hadnt slept. He did get a small nap there, but not too long because Kassidy had a new monitor that was super loud and super annoying!! I think we were on an adrenaline high anyways.
We decided after shift change we would go home and get 1 last night of good sleep. and then in the morning we would be back to pick up our baby!!! Yes really I said pick up our baby!!

Kassidy and Aunt Sue Sue

Clint's sister Susan came for a visit recently from Texas. While she was here she got to visit with little miss K and take some pictures for me. She is such an amazing photographer!! Thank you so much!

Kassidy was still a little out of it from her surgery just 2 days before, but still oh so sweet! Thank you for coming to see her and for takin' such great pictures Aunt Sue Sue...We love you!!

Nana came too! She loves to be read to and Nana has the best books!! Except for Leo the lightening bug, she doesnt like that one....

Here are some of my favorites.....

The Eye Surgery

Wednesday, the 4th we got the news that little Kassidy had to have the laser eye surgery. She was right on the threshold of retinopathy, and since she was completely eating all her feedings by mouth they decided to just get it done. I got the phone call while at work, and even though I was prepared for this news, it was still hard to swallow. It happened we both could get off early that day and made it down there by 1pm. Good thing we did because when we got there, they said they had decided to do the eye surgery that day and at 3 pm. So I got to snuggle little miss and then they had to put her back on the ventilator and give her some high doses of narcotics and a paralytic drug. Crazy that there is drugs even like that. It was hard to not see her wiggle, since she is such a wiggle worm.
The surgery was performed by a Dr that just moved here to Utah from So. Carolina. She was amazing! Kassidy was her 2nd one done here, I guess Dr Yoder said she is kinda a rockstar in the field and they were lucky she chose them..... That was comforting to hear. They put the vent back in slick as slick they said. Given her chronic lung disease they said her lungs were soft and looked great. The IV also went in on one poke. That is good. Her little hands have scars on them from all the needles she has had. Poor thing
The surgery took 2 hrs and we were so glad we had our 2 primary nurses there that day. They of course had to put up with my random weird questions. They helped make things easier, like always. The surgery went well and our nurse "M" was really please with how thorough the Dr was, she took her time and went around each eye twice. She said she has seen them whip right through these eye surgeries before.
We were really nervous, not really about the surgery itself, but of her being back on the vent. It took her so long to come off, I thought she would just get comfortable back on it and have a hard time coming back off. I also thought she would forget how to eat. I know crazy because she is a big girl, but I couldn't help but freak out about it. Its what I do.
Clint and I did go home late that night and came back the next day. She was so knocked out. So weird to see her so lethargic. Kinda freaked me out yet again. She did not stay on the vent long though after her surgery, as soon as she came to, she was pulling it out. That a girl....Took her til Saturday to completely come out of her fog though and get back to her normal routine.
We couldn't have been more pleased with the whole situation. Clint was able to give her a blessing before and we know that she had her brother watching out for her that day. So glad he is there to help her through these hard times. I hope she always feels his presence.